Lidt blandet sjovt
Her på siden er der lidt sjove ting, jeg har fundet hist og pist – blandt andet henvisninger til nogen sjove eller pudsige sider. Indrømmet, noget af det er måske ikke så sjovt – men nu er det her altså…
For resten: Husk også at se siden med engelske sætninger, der er svære at udtale eller læse højt.
Lidt dansk, der også kan drille…
- Hun så så sød ud.
- Hvis du går ind af den dør, dør du.
- Han fortalte en legende om legende børn.
- Lov mig at du spørger om lov.
- Der var hul i kassen, og den var hul indeni.
- De vilde ville vide, hvad de hvide ville de vilde.
Computers
Why do programmers confuse Christmas with Halloween?
– Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just designate Microsoft Darkness™ as the new industry standard!
At intel, precision is job 0.9999999992125
This is a single-question-computer-nerdity-test. If you get the joke, you are one.
Vanity number plate on a Volkswagen Beetle: “FEATURE”.
Objects are just data structures with an attitude.
The computer revolution is over. They won.
You’re the computer, you tell me where the file is!
Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”
Recursive \ri-'ker-siv\ adj See Recursive.
On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors…
Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally.
Best tech-support question ever: Where’s the ‘any’ key?
He is holding a magnet. Everyone back up. -Data
Windows: The only computer virus with a user interface (such as it is…)
AAcckk!! II’’mm iinn hhaallff dduupplleexx!!
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Documents on screen may appear longer than they are.
C:\>make love
Fatal: 'love' does not exist - don't know how to make it.
Flon’s Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
25 ways to confuse, worry, or just scare people in the computer room
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
7. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
8. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
9. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
10. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
11. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
12. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
13. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
14. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
15. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
16. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
17. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
18. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.
19. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you, grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
20. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
21. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
22. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
23. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
24. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
25. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
26. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
27. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
OK, SO IT WAS 27 WAYS. SUE ME!
Quotations (computers)
“DOS addresses only 1 Megabyte of RAM because we cannot imagine any applications needing more.”
– Microsoft, 1980, on the development of DOS
“Windows NT addresses 2 Gigabytes of RAM which is more than any application will ever need”
– Microsoft, 1992, on the development of Windows NT
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”
– Popular Mechanics, 1949
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
– Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”
– The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
“But what … is it good for?”
– Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
– Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”
– Western Union internal memo, 1876.
“So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’ ”
– Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer.
Flere gode citater
»Flyvemaskinen er et interessant legetøj, men den har ingen interesse eller værdi for militæret«
– Marchall Ferdinand Foch, fransk militær strateg i 1911.
»Alt hvad der kan opfindes er allerede opfundet«
– Charles H Duell, tjenestemand i det amerikanske patentdirektorat, 1899.
»Der vil ikke være et marked for fjernsynet. Folk vil hurtigt blive trætte af at kigge ind i en trækasse hver eneste aften«
– Darryl F. Zanuck, direktør for 20th Century-Fox i 1946.
«Radioen har ingen fremtid«
– Lord Kelvin, skotsk matematiker og fysiker, 1897.
»Fremtidens computere vil nok kun komme til at veje 1,5 ton«
– en fremtidsanalyse foretaget af tidsskriftet Popular Mechanics i 1949.
»Der er ingen i dag, der frygter, at den japanske flåde kan overraske vores baser i Stillehavet. Radioen gør sådanne overraskelser umulige.«
– Josephus Daniels, tidl. minister for den amerikanske flåde, 1922.
»Der er ingen grund til, at hvert individ skal have en computer derhjemme«
– Kennet Olsen, direktør for Digital Equipment Corperation i 1977.
»Hesten er kommet for at blive. Men automobilen er et modelune«
– Direktøren for Michigan Savings Bank (og Henry Fords advokat), i 1908.
»Jeg tror, der er et verdensmarked for måske fem computere«
– Thomas Watson, Chairman for IBM, 1943.
»I wish I had seen that love was blind«
– Dolly Parton i ‘Heartbreaker’
The Hacker Test
Have you ever programmed while intoxicated?
... Did it make sense the next day?
Do you complain when a "feature" you use gets fixed?
Do you know how many days old you are?
Have you ever wanted to download pizza?
Did you ever optimize a bubble sort?
Can you whistle 300 baud?
... 1200 baud?
Can you whistle a telephone number?
Do you solve word puzzles with an on-line dictionary?
Ever reverse-engineer or decompile a program?
... Did you find bugs in it?
Ever patched a bug the vendor does not acknowledge?
Ever fix a hardware problem in software?
... Vice versa?
Ever physically destroy equipment from software?
Do you take listings with you to lunch?
... To bed?
Can you program a Turing machine?
Ever create an unkillable program?
... Intentionally?
Do you have a flowchart template?
... Is it unused?
Do you have a separate phone line for your terminal/computer?
... Is it legal?
Have you ever downgraded your job to upgrade your processing power?
Have you ever used a light pen?
... did you build it?
Do you know what IBM part number 7320154 is?
Can you program in Basic?
... Do you admit it?
Can you program in Cobol?
... Do you deny it?
Can you talk VT-100?
... Postscript?
Do you know any people?
... more than one?
... more than two?
Do you dream in any programming languages?
Do you have difficulty focusing on three-dimensional objects?
Do you ignore mice?
Do you despise the CAPS LOCK key?
Do you believe menus belong in restaurants?
Do you read Scientific American in bars to pick up women?
Ever have an out-of-CPU experience?
Do you talk to the person next to you via computer?
Have you ever computed pi to more than a thousand decimal places?
Have you ever written self-modifying code?
... Are you proud of it?
Can you solve the Towers of Hanoi recursively?
... Non-recursively?
... Using the Troff text formatter?
Do you read newsgroups?
... All of them?
Forskelligt
I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes. – Steven Wright
Repeat after me, “I am an individual.”
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize!
99 percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Consciousness – That annoying time between naps.
3 Kinds of Humans – those who can count and those who can’t!
I bet $5 you can’t stop gambling!
Det er lidt for meget forlangt for kort …
Da fru Fick fik Fick, fik Fick sig en kone.
Og manden, der havde bestilt et skilt, men var utilfreds, fordi: "Der er for langt mellem „Kød“ og „og“ og „og“ og „Flæsk“.
Der er 10 slags mennesker. Dem der kan binære tal og dem der ikke kan.
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The Worst (or Best) Country-Western Song Titles of All Time
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